It's fucking Christmas, like 2 months a year
It's fucking Christmas, like 2 months a year
Somebody's watching you
He's always near
It's fucking Christmas like 2 months a year

Scrollin' through
my iPhone
Strolling through the mall
You walked right by I didn't notice you at all
Every day around this time
I get nostalgic
Thinking 'bout that Christmas Eve we didn't do shit
I was only 22 and a newbie
You were drinking Hennesy telling your friends
You wanna do me
Or was it just a Christmas wish
Someone to love and spend the New Year with
Add to my list
Of people that I need to buy for
For people that I would even cheat and die for, dear
You want to show me that you care
Meet me in the back of Macomb Mall and I'll be there
People stare but pay no attention
To the man behind the curtain
Imitating Dick Purton
And I'm certain it's a mass psychosis
Sold to us by our parents and various holy rollers

It's fucking Christmas, like 2 months a year
It's fucking Christmas, like 2 months a year
Somebody's watching you
He's always near
It's fucking Christmas like 2 months a year

And every year Halloween gets bigger
And Santa becomes even more of a father figure
And little Suzy regrets that she ever knew me
For introducing her to Steely Dan and Kubrick Movies
Oh baby you're gonna have to fucking sue me
To get you off my mind
It'd be a blue Christmas every Tuesday
Where we meet in discreet locations
Usually when your husband's on vacation
You got some Holiday Cheer in that trunk
But first there's some mistletoe hanging over my junk
We can smoke some trees and get drunk
I'll put on some Bing Crosby and P Funk
Is it me or has the fire got us hot
Like the handjob you gave me on Black Friday in the parking lot
Either way I'm gonna sing Hallelujah
Cause Easter is coming and we're jumping like Oompa Loompas

It's fucking Christmas, like 2 months a year
It's fucking Christmas, like 2 months a year
Somebody's watching you
He's always near
It's fucking Christmas like 2 months a year